That First Time


I've debated whether or not to tell this story, not because it embarrasses me (although by all rights it should), but because I've been trying to work this small piece of autobiography into a short story.  Actually, I've been able to insert it rather easily into a story—except after the autobiographical portion of the story I just kind of fizzle.  I know where I want to go and what I want to do, but then when I get there I have nothing to end the story with.  Or I thought I did have something to end the story with, until I realized my ending was just a little too similar to Stephen King's "Strawberry Spring".  Anyway, if I do ever finish the story and it's fit for reading, you can either skip this journal here or try to take the retelling I give later.

I was kicked out of my mother's house when I was eighteen.  Yeah, I know you're saying that, hey, I'm eighteen, what am I do living with my family.  But I was living with them, pretending to go to college, and working full-time at Hardees.  What I would usually do was work the closing shift and then hang around with my friends to early in the morning, and come into my parents' house around three or four in the morning.  Oftentimes, the door was locked and I ended up sleeping in a car if they left it unlocked (I didn't have a car and used a bicycle to get to work; I was the coolest eighteen-year-old boy around!).  It wasn't too bad for when we were living on Kinkead Avenue, since we were only about five blocks away from Hardees, but we had moved to Barling, which was about six or seven miles away.  And the house we moved into only had three bedrooms.  There were seven of us.  Perhaps they were trying to give me a hint.  Anyway, I had to sleep on the couch, which didn't really encourage me to spend a lot of time at home.  I practically slept through a semester of American History and still got a C out of it.  Other times, I would go to the library between classes (and during classes) and sleep at one of the desks.  Although my parents and I had our differences, I was pretty much a good boy.  I didn't smoke; I didn't drink; I didn't do drugs; I didn't even swear until I was sixteen.  In other words, I was a dork.  You know how people are always saying you can see drug deals done in the school yard?  Even though people have told me they could while I was going to high school, I never saw a damn thing.  So I was pretty much a good boy, except I was eighteen, and I simply didn't feel like telling my mom where I was.  And she felt since I was living in her house, I damn well better.  So, anyway, she kicked me out.  Of course, she kicked out Coleena and Danny in their time, too, but I was the only one too stupid to not realize I could go back.

For a while I lived with my friend Ronnie and his family.  Then that stupid ass Ronnie went and ran off with his girlfriend.  And his family, understandably, did not feel comfortable housing me without him around.  So I essentially became homeless.  I would get off work at my Hardees and walk about two miles to the 24-hour Hardees on Grand Avenue and stay up all night chugging Diet Cokes.  I would take a sink shower in the men's bathroom at about three in the morning, since few people were likely to come in then (although there was no way I could do this on Saturday or Sunday morning, because of the drunks).  Sometimes during the day I would go back to my Hardees and take a nap at the break table.  Every once in a while, a friend would let me sleep at his or her house.  So I often would stay up for 48 to 72 hours straight. 

Anyway, one night, neither I nor Brandy is working, so we tool around in her car.  Brandy, whose parents are truckers, is an emancipated minor who lives with Robin, an assistant manager at our store.  We stop by the store and talk to Robin, who's closing that night, and she agrees I can sleep on the couch.  Brandy and I go to her house, and we talk for a while, and she goes to her bedroom and I bunk on the couch. 

Perhaps I should mention at this point that I had a rather serious crush on Brandy.  Although I had said nothing to her, she also knew about it, but she had made it perfectly clear she only saw me as a friend.  I didn't push her—I wasn't the pushy type.  So we were just friends.  But that night…well, I'm still not sure what happened, except I had to pee and went to the bathroom, which was past her bedroom.  When I was going back to the living room, she called me into her room.  And, as they say, one thing led to another and she pulled a condom out of her end table.  Which was a good thing, since at that time I was relatively sexually inexperienced.  And if you took away self-love, you could say I was almost non-experienced.  So it's my first, and it's with a girl I really dig, and then…Robin comes into the house.  Well, I practically did a triple back flip into the closet, but Robin pretty much knew what the deal was, and she asked me to leave.    So I throw my jeans and shirt on, grab my things and head out the door.  Not only was I again homeless for the night, I wasn't even able to complete the transaction, and my balls were feeling the agony.  I walk all the way to the Hardees on Grand Avenue, order my Diet Coke, and sit down in a booth.  My balls are still aching, and I figure I'll go into the bathroom and wash up, maybe throw some cold water on them.  When I do, I look down and see I still have my condom on.  It was on the entire time.

But, wait, there's more!  The next day I have to open the store, as does Brandy.  So we get there and conversation is a little awkward.  At least Robin isn't working.  Everything is fine, and my family actually comes into see me, and we get along okay, which turns out to be a very good thing.  Around two, after the lunch crowd has slowed down, I clean the fry vats and take the old oil to dump it.  Well, I pick up the container to pour it, but it slips from my hands and falls.  Oil shoots up in the air and lands on me, mainly on my arms and shirt.  I run out of the dumpster area, yelling and pulling my shirt off, streaking past some unsuspecting old people.  Luckily, I have a change of clothes in the back, so I am able to put another shirt on.  The only problem is my arms are in a lot of pain.  And there's nobody to take me to the hospital.  So the working assistant manager calls the incoming assistant manager to take me.  It's Robin.  She takes me to the hospital, and they give me drugs.  Whee!  My burns aren't bad at all, but the drugs have knocked me on my ass (I don't handle drugs well).  I can't help myself from constantly apologizing to Robin for fucking her roommate.  Finally, she takes me back to the store and I fall asleep in the lobby.  Somebody calls my family and they take me to the house, and I go to sleep on the couch for about twelve hours.  And whenever my mother chastises me for marrying the first girl I ever slept with, I can always blame it on her, because it probably never would have happened if she hadn't kicked me out.
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