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Warning: some of these topics might pertain to you. Rather than be offended, you can do one of two things: don’t read or comfort yourself with the fact that I’m an asshole.
Sometimes I have something to say that I know is the TRUTH. There is no doubting it. There is no arguing it. It simply is.
Other times I have feelings that I really can’t justify as true, but they also simply are. Even when I know they are not necessarily right, I still have them. Hell, I still stand behind them. Today, in perhaps a bit of exorcism, I will list some things, large and small, that bother me. Some of them I might argue about the the death with you. Others I will completely agree that, yeah, that’s a strange thing about which to rant--but I still stand behind them.
Small talk: now I’m not talking about a “hey,” “what’s up,” or “how you doin’” every once in a while. But I can’t stand people who decide they need to take about banal things for no other purpose than apparently to hear themselves talk. There is a woman at my work who I’ve heard say essentially the same things every day for over a year. A year! Seriously, I don’t care about your lame pun for your last name. And if I’m going to be greeted with “hey, trouble,” you’re going to be hit with “greetings, major annoyance.”
The Bible: I don’t mind that people use it as a guide in their lives. I’m a big believer in being able to enjoy something even though parts of it blow or make no sense. But I have a major problem when people use the Bible to make judgments on other people. If we took everything in the Bible as absolute, then we’re all going to Hell because we haven’t been spending enough time measuring things by cubits.
Gay marriage: I don’t have a problem with the concept itself, just the name. It’s not gay marriage, it’s marriage.
Labels: I think one of the biggest problem in the states is people feeling the need to define themselves as part of a group. Democrat, Republican, Liberal, Democrat, Teabagger, Pro-Choice, Pro-Life, Gay, Straight. Can’t we just encounter each other as individuals and not somehow dismiss each other because their label is diametrically opposed to our label?
Opinions: Like an asshole, everyone has one. Also, like an asshole, there’s a time and a place to share it. You don’t always have to share your opinion, especially when it serves no purpose, beside allowing you to vent, or when you force your opinion on someone who for whatever reason cannot counterargue (for example, if I had expressed that one person was a racist asshole, I would have lost my job).
Guns: holy crap, people. I support the Second Amendment, but damn. First of all, most people don’t really consider the “well regulated militia.” But second and even more amazing to me, it’s much easier and legal for a person to get a gun than it is to get marijuana. Guns don’t kill people; people kill people. But, although it seems to be slowly changing, marijuana is illegal mainly because it’s considered a “gateway” drug.
Prostitution: Okay, first of all, before some smartass speaks up, no, I’ve never been to a prostitute. I’m just really trying to figure out how porn (paying to watch two people who were paid have sex) is legal, while paying someone to have sex with you is illegal. A man was charged recently for trading McDonald’s food for sex...or as it used to be known, a date.
Facebook: Sigh...okay, I’ve mentioned this before, but my lone voice in the wild is sometimes hard to hear. Look, if you see some post or picture on Facebook or some other site, especially one that might be controversial, it doesn’t take too much effort to snopes.com to see if maybe, perhaps, possibly what you’re about to post is actually complete bullshit.
Congress: Fuck them.
Dead people: It happens all the time. Somebody (usually famous) dies, and on some website (mostly Facebook) somebody points out how we shouldn’t be celebrating such-and-such when somebody else (usually a soldier or police officer) died (being a hero!) and didn’t get anywhere near the attention. First of all, if you do this, you’re an asshole. That person who died still died, and all you’re doing is pissing on the grave. Second, I didn’t see any of that shit from you before (in popular Facebook terms, 98 percent of the time), so you’re just using that dead soldier or police officer for your own less-than-noble goal, which is pretty shitty.
Veterans: This is probably one I’m completely alone on. I see veterans around here wearing their WWII, Vietnam, Desert Shield hats and jackets. I guess it’s more the quiet hero mentality I prefer, rather than the in-your-face-ness of it (of course, I had a bad experience a few months ago with some guy mentioning all he’s done, as proof he should get his way). Of course, I’m also the type who was never completely comfortable with people thanking me for my service, so on this one, I might be projecting a little. I’ll be that guy who has all his plaques and ribbons hidden somewhere in the attic.
Cats: Seriously, you’re watching me pick up your food bowl. If you are going to meow like that when I’m obviously getting your food, get it your own damn self.
Grass: I have to fix my mower. Could you stop growing for a while?
Internet: An excuse to be a dick without consequences. Ain’t it great?
Cynicism: As I was writing this, I read an article on the Entertainment Weekly website about Ben Affleck living on $1.50 a day for food for the Global Poverty Project “Below the Line” campaign, and about 80 percent of the comments (29 pages worth) were full of snide comments. He’s a big star going out of his way to raise awareness. It might be a small thing he’s doing, but he’s doing something.
Spelling and grammar: Seriously, folks, they do matter. When you pull out the “grammar nazi” stuff, all you’re saying is “you know, Scott, I prefer to be an ignorant, backwards asshole, and I don’t cotton to all that fancy talk. Now I’m gonna go plow my sister and my wife.”
It’s interesting that I started to write this in order to release some of the tension some of these things have given me, but now I feel myself just getting even more angry. I probably shouldn’t have ended it with grammar. Damn.
Sometimes I have something to say that I know is the TRUTH. There is no doubting it. There is no arguing it. It simply is.
Other times I have feelings that I really can’t justify as true, but they also simply are. Even when I know they are not necessarily right, I still have them. Hell, I still stand behind them. Today, in perhaps a bit of exorcism, I will list some things, large and small, that bother me. Some of them I might argue about the the death with you. Others I will completely agree that, yeah, that’s a strange thing about which to rant--but I still stand behind them.
Small talk: now I’m not talking about a “hey,” “what’s up,” or “how you doin’” every once in a while. But I can’t stand people who decide they need to take about banal things for no other purpose than apparently to hear themselves talk. There is a woman at my work who I’ve heard say essentially the same things every day for over a year. A year! Seriously, I don’t care about your lame pun for your last name. And if I’m going to be greeted with “hey, trouble,” you’re going to be hit with “greetings, major annoyance.”
The Bible: I don’t mind that people use it as a guide in their lives. I’m a big believer in being able to enjoy something even though parts of it blow or make no sense. But I have a major problem when people use the Bible to make judgments on other people. If we took everything in the Bible as absolute, then we’re all going to Hell because we haven’t been spending enough time measuring things by cubits.
Gay marriage: I don’t have a problem with the concept itself, just the name. It’s not gay marriage, it’s marriage.
Labels: I think one of the biggest problem in the states is people feeling the need to define themselves as part of a group. Democrat, Republican, Liberal, Democrat, Teabagger, Pro-Choice, Pro-Life, Gay, Straight. Can’t we just encounter each other as individuals and not somehow dismiss each other because their label is diametrically opposed to our label?
Opinions: Like an asshole, everyone has one. Also, like an asshole, there’s a time and a place to share it. You don’t always have to share your opinion, especially when it serves no purpose, beside allowing you to vent, or when you force your opinion on someone who for whatever reason cannot counterargue (for example, if I had expressed that one person was a racist asshole, I would have lost my job).
Guns: holy crap, people. I support the Second Amendment, but damn. First of all, most people don’t really consider the “well regulated militia.” But second and even more amazing to me, it’s much easier and legal for a person to get a gun than it is to get marijuana. Guns don’t kill people; people kill people. But, although it seems to be slowly changing, marijuana is illegal mainly because it’s considered a “gateway” drug.
Prostitution: Okay, first of all, before some smartass speaks up, no, I’ve never been to a prostitute. I’m just really trying to figure out how porn (paying to watch two people who were paid have sex) is legal, while paying someone to have sex with you is illegal. A man was charged recently for trading McDonald’s food for sex...or as it used to be known, a date.
Facebook: Sigh...okay, I’ve mentioned this before, but my lone voice in the wild is sometimes hard to hear. Look, if you see some post or picture on Facebook or some other site, especially one that might be controversial, it doesn’t take too much effort to snopes.com to see if maybe, perhaps, possibly what you’re about to post is actually complete bullshit.
Congress: Fuck them.
Dead people: It happens all the time. Somebody (usually famous) dies, and on some website (mostly Facebook) somebody points out how we shouldn’t be celebrating such-and-such when somebody else (usually a soldier or police officer) died (being a hero!) and didn’t get anywhere near the attention. First of all, if you do this, you’re an asshole. That person who died still died, and all you’re doing is pissing on the grave. Second, I didn’t see any of that shit from you before (in popular Facebook terms, 98 percent of the time), so you’re just using that dead soldier or police officer for your own less-than-noble goal, which is pretty shitty.
Veterans: This is probably one I’m completely alone on. I see veterans around here wearing their WWII, Vietnam, Desert Shield hats and jackets. I guess it’s more the quiet hero mentality I prefer, rather than the in-your-face-ness of it (of course, I had a bad experience a few months ago with some guy mentioning all he’s done, as proof he should get his way). Of course, I’m also the type who was never completely comfortable with people thanking me for my service, so on this one, I might be projecting a little. I’ll be that guy who has all his plaques and ribbons hidden somewhere in the attic.
Cats: Seriously, you’re watching me pick up your food bowl. If you are going to meow like that when I’m obviously getting your food, get it your own damn self.
Grass: I have to fix my mower. Could you stop growing for a while?
Internet: An excuse to be a dick without consequences. Ain’t it great?
Cynicism: As I was writing this, I read an article on the Entertainment Weekly website about Ben Affleck living on $1.50 a day for food for the Global Poverty Project “Below the Line” campaign, and about 80 percent of the comments (29 pages worth) were full of snide comments. He’s a big star going out of his way to raise awareness. It might be a small thing he’s doing, but he’s doing something.
Spelling and grammar: Seriously, folks, they do matter. When you pull out the “grammar nazi” stuff, all you’re saying is “you know, Scott, I prefer to be an ignorant, backwards asshole, and I don’t cotton to all that fancy talk. Now I’m gonna go plow my sister and my wife.”
It’s interesting that I started to write this in order to release some of the tension some of these things have given me, but now I feel myself just getting even more angry. I probably shouldn’t have ended it with grammar. Damn.
I see you at a bar with Henry Rollins and William Shatner, comparing notes...
I would only do that if Ben Folds produced it.